Yes KPI on how the work done before arriving at numbers should be added... Well there comes award and sponsorship to upskill. Not all companies offers it through.
Hi Nobby, What an entertaining and insightful read about a normally dull subject — KPIs. The SMART definition has been around for decades. I remember it from my Sprint corporate communication days in the early 2000s. This line from your essay especially made me laugh: Barry, bless him, made a pie chart showing “Percentage of Time Pretending to Work on KPIs”. The largest slice was 100%.
I spent enough years and energy in corporate America to learn that KPIs are a useless exercise that only serve to suck time away from more meaningful tasks that employees should focus on. The only metrics that the C-suite actually care about is preparing a semi-believable and always positive narrative to present at the next quarterly stockholders’ meeting. The sole metric that really counts is the stock price after the quarterly earnings results are released, AKA The Bottom Line.
So, yes, I’m a bit jaded about life in corporate America. It paid well, but the trade off in what they expected out of employees was HUGE. And might I add, not fun. That’s why I bailed about 15 years ago to start my own communications business.
I joined Substack so I can learn from other writers who have world views that align or are totally different from mine. All civil discussion is good.
I have a lot of stories with KPI currently. I have to make 3000 calls per month, but I did none, I just lied to them. Then I was happy I went deaf and had an excuse from calls. It’s crazy because I was the happiest deaf person ever, I still am
Well said specially the second last piece -Corporations don’t want truth. They want numbers that look like progress. And we, loyal data-points that we are, keep feeding the illusion one spreadsheet at a time.
That was a very enjoyable read. Your conclusion is absolutely spot on about the true role of KPI. Here’s what I have found out about KPI. Shareholder theory makes KPI impractical. Have you looked at KPI in stakeholder theory of business organizations?
So KPI is just another somewhat standardized way of tracking how an organization is doing, what can be fixed, and the like. What could possibly be the deciding factor on a lack of KPI leading to an improvement? It is almost always a lack of money or rather what is considered as needing financial attention first. Most businesses are shareholder theory based, meaning shareholders, namely those with a large percentage of a business’s shares, get paid first after taxes and such.
Through a process of prioritizing what may or may not need attention, some KPI is seen as either useless, courtesy of a subjectivity of severity metric, or are too costly. Therapy sessions, new equipment, building repairs, environmental concerns, the proverbial printer problem etc. generally are part of the former. The writing was spot on, and gave me a good chuckle because I too have been through this.
In contrast, the stakeholder theory prioritizes the wellnesses of all involved within an organization first. That means whatever surplus after bills are paid, is usually spent on taking care of the organization, the customers, the community, the environment, and then shareholders get their cut increased if more is left over.
CSR and ESG attempt to address the issue of KPI non-compliance but it all boils down to which business theory is being used.
This was legit funny. I enjoyed it
🙏Thank you Sir, plenty more where that came from 😉
Yes KPI on how the work done before arriving at numbers should be added... Well there comes award and sponsorship to upskill. Not all companies offers it through.
Hi Nobby, What an entertaining and insightful read about a normally dull subject — KPIs. The SMART definition has been around for decades. I remember it from my Sprint corporate communication days in the early 2000s. This line from your essay especially made me laugh: Barry, bless him, made a pie chart showing “Percentage of Time Pretending to Work on KPIs”. The largest slice was 100%.
I spent enough years and energy in corporate America to learn that KPIs are a useless exercise that only serve to suck time away from more meaningful tasks that employees should focus on. The only metrics that the C-suite actually care about is preparing a semi-believable and always positive narrative to present at the next quarterly stockholders’ meeting. The sole metric that really counts is the stock price after the quarterly earnings results are released, AKA The Bottom Line.
So, yes, I’m a bit jaded about life in corporate America. It paid well, but the trade off in what they expected out of employees was HUGE. And might I add, not fun. That’s why I bailed about 15 years ago to start my own communications business.
I joined Substack so I can learn from other writers who have world views that align or are totally different from mine. All civil discussion is good.
Good for you Elaine, glad you managed to escape the corporate serfdom, may you set an example for many more to follow!
KPI = Key Pretend-work Indicator ;-)
😂 😂
I have a lot of stories with KPI currently. I have to make 3000 calls per month, but I did none, I just lied to them. Then I was happy I went deaf and had an excuse from calls. It’s crazy because I was the happiest deaf person ever, I still am
I love it
Well said specially the second last piece -Corporations don’t want truth. They want numbers that look like progress. And we, loyal data-points that we are, keep feeding the illusion one spreadsheet at a time.
And for the executives (hard to distinguish nowadays)
That was a very enjoyable read. Your conclusion is absolutely spot on about the true role of KPI. Here’s what I have found out about KPI. Shareholder theory makes KPI impractical. Have you looked at KPI in stakeholder theory of business organizations?
So KPI is just another somewhat standardized way of tracking how an organization is doing, what can be fixed, and the like. What could possibly be the deciding factor on a lack of KPI leading to an improvement? It is almost always a lack of money or rather what is considered as needing financial attention first. Most businesses are shareholder theory based, meaning shareholders, namely those with a large percentage of a business’s shares, get paid first after taxes and such.
Through a process of prioritizing what may or may not need attention, some KPI is seen as either useless, courtesy of a subjectivity of severity metric, or are too costly. Therapy sessions, new equipment, building repairs, environmental concerns, the proverbial printer problem etc. generally are part of the former. The writing was spot on, and gave me a good chuckle because I too have been through this.
In contrast, the stakeholder theory prioritizes the wellnesses of all involved within an organization first. That means whatever surplus after bills are paid, is usually spent on taking care of the organization, the customers, the community, the environment, and then shareholders get their cut increased if more is left over.
CSR and ESG attempt to address the issue of KPI non-compliance but it all boils down to which business theory is being used.
Ok I’ll candidly admit I didn’t dip into shareholder or stakeholder theory, more my own personal quarter-century experience of corporate serfdom