Circle Back Syndrome

Corporate jargon has a life of its own and bears no relation to real life.

There are diseases that spread silently through the office air: burnout, passive aggression, that mysterious cough Nigel’s had since 2019.

But nothing infects a workplace faster than corporate jargon.

At Globexhaust, we’re in the midst of a full-blown linguistic pandemic. They call it “alignment through communication” I call it “Circle Back Syndrome”

It started innocently enough. Sharon from HR sent a message saying:

“Let’s circle back on that once we’ve aligned our priorities”

At first, I thought she meant talk later. But then I noticed something strange - “circle back” wasn’t just a phrase anymore. It was a way of life.

Now it’s everywhere. It’s the office’s equivalent of background radiation - invisible, constant, slightly carcinogenic.

You can’t escape it.

“Let’s park that for now”
“Can we double-click on that?”
“Let’s put a pin in it”
“I’ll take that offline”
“We’re not there yet, but it’s definitely a journey”

They don’t talk anymore. They gesture in PowerPoint.

The Monday morning Stand-Up has become a linguistic battleground.

My manager, Gavin - a man whose entire vocabulary was clearly downloaded from a LinkedIn inspirational post - opens every meeting like a motivational chatbot that’s developed a form of corporate Tourette Syndrome:

“Okay team, let’s circle back to our previous deep dive so we can future-proof our next sprint. I want us to think outside the box, but still deliver quick wins within the box’s parameters”

Barry whispered, “What box? I haven’t even found the lid yet”

“And remember”, Gavin continued, “this is a safe space to ideate”

Nigel muttered, “I don’t ideate before caffeine”

Corporate buzzwords are like management’s tear gas: they’re designed to confuse, disorient, and suppress dissent.

When I ask, “What exactly are we doing?” Gavin says,

“We’re actioning outcomes that ladder up to strategic deliverables”

When I say, “But what does that mean?”

“It means we’re being agile”

“Agile” now means “we’ve changed everything without notice”

“Strategic” means “pointless, but expensive”

And “let’s circle back” means “forget I said that”

After one particularly jargon-heavy meeting, Barry from Procurement snapped.

He created a game called Buzzword Bingo - every time a manager said “touch base”, “low-hanging fruit”, or “best-in-class”, we’d mark a square on a hidden card.

When someone shouted “synergy!” we’d all take a sip of coffee.
By 10:15 a.m., we were trembling wrecks of caffeine and suppressed laughter.

Sharon eventually found out. She said,

“Let’s have a conversation about reframing this behaviour”

Translation: stop enjoying yourselves.

Last Thursday, leadership called an “All-Hands Alignment Deep Dive” - the corporate equivalent of a sermon.

The CEO appeared on a giant screen, glowing like a prophet in a tailored suit.

“As we pivot towards scalable growth”, he boomed, “we need to leverage our cross-functional synergies and circle back to our core value propositions”

Everyone nodded as if hypnotised.

I scribbled in my notebook: He said absolutely nothing for seven minutes.

Then the Head of Transformation chimed in:

“We’re not just moving the needle - we’re redefining the gauge”

I’m fairly certain that’s how cults start.

By Friday, the infection had spread completely. Even the intern was saying things like,

“I’ll cascade that up the chain”

I tried to resist.
When Sharon asked if I could “drive engagement across verticals”, I replied, “I’d rather drive into traffic”

She said, “Let’s circle back on that attitude”

I said, “You can’t - it’s not measurable”

The worst part is: it works.
Buzzwords allow people to sound busy without doing anything, to agree without understanding, to lead without direction.

Corporate language isn’t about communication - it’s about camouflage. It replaces meaning with motion.

It’s how they hide the emptiness of what they’re saying.

Every “circle back” is a loop that keeps you trapped. Every “touch base” is a warning that no base exists.

They use these words not to connect us - but to keep us spinning, like mice on a branded hamster wheel.

Language is power.
And in the corporate world, it’s been taken hostage by PowerPoint prophets and LinkedIn philosophers.

So from now on, I’m starting a counter-revolution: Plain English Fridays.
If you can’t explain it without saying “alignment”, you don’t understand it.

If you say “circle back”, I’ll reply, “speak straight”

And if you say “synergy”, I’ll assume you’ve lost the will to live.

Because clarity is the ultimate act of rebellion in a system built on jargon.

And one day, when I finally “circle back” to my senses, I’ll make sure it’s a one-way trip out the door.